Dakota

My misery has enjoyed company - and although I have ached, I don't threaten anybody. Sometimes I feel more bigness than I've shared with you. Sometimes I wonder why I quell when I'm not required to. I've tried to be small. I've tried to be stunted. I've tried road blocks and all, my happy endings prevented.

I could be golden. I could be glowing. I could be freedom, but that could be boring.

This talk of liberation makes me want to go lie down, under the covers til the terror of the unknown is gone. I could be full. I could be thriving. I could be shining; sounds isolating. Sometimes I feel this is too good to be true. I sabotage myself for fear of what my joy could do.

Fear of bliss and fear of joyitude
Fear of bigness and ensuing solitude.