Dakota

The show was so weird for many reasons. Despite the fact that Larry was on a short list of people not to be there (Nate and Katie were the others), he ended up making appearances as Kool Aid Man and hung out in the audience.

It seemed like a night without parents, though. As if we were roaming free and recklessly and unafraid to get caught. Maybe that was the loss of Nate. Maybe.. A good show, I felt. I fucked up noticeably during "Make You a Man Reprise" but otherwise... it was all okay.

Rumours abound backstage and onstage and in the audience and everywhere. I don't even know what's going on. I just know things are entirely weird.

And I know April 1st is really close, and Mannix's Big Return isn't a faded memory.

[yay, vagueness. fuck, I promised myself never to do this on LJ.]
[I lie sometimes.]

Speaking of Mannix; he was there and looked adorable; I like his hair now.

I am feeling incredibly random. And not very tired.

But I think I should try to be.

A boy said the most self-gratifying (and entirely clean) things to me today online, just from randomly finding my planetout.com profile, which I did on a lark. For some reason they made me really unhappy with myself, certainly not his attentions. For some reason... I'm just not well right now.

Talking makes things better.

Well. In roundabout ways sometimes. But today marked the first day in a while where Matt and I talked at length, and no one got angry. Not terribly much resolved (which would be a lot to ask, and I don't think even most of is 'fixable' or even more than overactive imagination) but a lot is out.

And better. Much.

Really glad. This morning, I had a 45 minute panic attack. I went to sleep. Woke up only two and a half hours later. So, I'm still kinda tired. But I'm well.

And this is good.