"I can paint my face and stand very still. It's not very practical."
mood: 
pensive
pensivemusic: Dresden Dolls -- "The Perfect Fit"
I keep writing shit down and I'm not sure where it's going. I have a short attention span. Every time I focus, I think of something else and go to that.
In a very real way, I feel very behind on my life's plans. In another very real way, I don't think I ever really planned out my life. But I'm sure that I'm behind.
The waitress Carrie made an ominous comment when Genevieve and I were eating there tonight, somewhere along the lines of "don't keep the hiatus from college up too long."
My interest in college keeps wavering. Sometimes I'm really into it, and other times it's the farthest from what I want to do... I miss the constant deadlines, in a way. I miss the assignments. I'd blow them off when they were assigned, but it's funny how I'm actually interested in writing some. Probably because they'll tell me what to do and what to write about. That's more than my own mind is doing.
And I always do this "ultra-deep" thinking that results in little to nothing at 3.50 AM. Figures.
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Sorry, not really mad, just ranty and depressed.
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Hi...
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How are you doing, otherwise?
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I used to play left field in softball because I was the only one my age who could throw from left field to first base. Then I moved to my true love, catcher, in later years....
Yeah....
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I have no idea if it is a common expression or not, or if it's a recognized expression at all.
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Thanks
Speaking as someone who had something like a thirteen year hiatus from college, make it as long as you need to, until you think you're ready for it and that you have sound reasons for doing so.
For me, it was about needing the "stupid piece of paper". I was in a job where my boss didn't care that I wasn't a college graduate but I knew that I'd been on way too many interviews where they would say, "You walk like a grad, you talk like a grad, you act like a grad, but you're not a grad... What can I do with you?" because being a college graduate was the delimiter must have requirement.
So I went back. And had a MUCH greater appreciation for the process, for the people teaching me, and for what I was learning than the first time through.
Yes, the work is driving me up a tree (particularly my final paper for my senior seminar) but it's going to be SO worth it when it's done.
>at 3.50 AM. Figures.
This is why self-help of most flavors is bullshit. If there's one thing I've learned (and it may only be the one), it's that inspiration is cheap. People go to seminars and come back "inspired". People go to team-building exercises and come back "inspired". People go frickin' _firewalking_ and come back "inspired". And then in a few days it passes, and they're back where they started. "Inspiration", like the first-blush-of-true-love, is just a chemical reaction in your brain; it feels powerful, and it ends. If you focus on trying to prolong it, or get it back, or simulate it, then you go nowhere. The trick isn't finding the inspiration, it's forging ahead without it.
This is one of those things I _haven't_ learned yet ;)
visualcortex