Michael Asks:
1 - The HoH has been taken hostage by fundamentalist Evengelicals who want to prove that gay people can be cured. Unless you have sex with a woman, they'll blow up the theater, killing everybody inside (and on the one night that nobody called out, too). Fortunately, they know that sin is tenacious and difficult to resist, so they'll let you choose the woman. Answer in two parts: A-what woman would you choose? B-are we even worth that?What's funny is the flaw in the Evangelicals' logic. Well, that's both funny and tragic generally, but in this case it's particularly fascinating that these Evangelicals would rather I be committing a heterosexual sin (i.e. having non-marital sex with a woman) rather than me not committing a homosexual sing (i.e. not having any type of sex with a man in a location where such action is clearly verboten). That twisted, turnscrew of religious fanaticism aside, you pose a moral question.
I don't negotiate with terrorists. You're all fucked. The woman is not.
2 - You've been selected by NASA to be the first human being to set foot on Jupiter. Despite your misgivings, you accept the mission and train for months. Days before the liftoff, NASA's food scientists announce that they've invented an amazing cheese-machine that can generate theoretically endless supplies of solidified dairy products, which they expect will make the 125-week trip more bearable. Unfortunately, the machine can only store the templates for three different _kinds_ of cheese. What three kinds do you ask for?My favorite solidified dairy products include mozzarella, mild cheddar, and those American cheese types that you get in the individual bags and are that strange shade of orange. Of the 3, I could probably eat mozzarella the longest without getting bored of it, but I can only eat so much cheddar or American before I'm done with them for a while. But they would be good for in-betweens. If I were to only eat cheese I probably would get pretty fat, unless the fact that I was not eating anything else would regulate my system. Further research is needed.
3 - OMG computer demons! They're closing in! They've already encircled the house, preventing any data from entering or leaving in any form! Within fifteen minutes they'll be inside the house, eradicating all data on all non-biological storage devices! By an incredible stroke of luck, you happen to have a sample of an experimental tofu-based CD-ROM being developed by 3M. Before they break in, what do you burn to that TD?It may sound noble, but it's not. I would attempt to burn most work-related documents and websites to the CD-ROM. If the company goes down, so does Matt and myself, so anything else is secondary. Although while I would miss all my mp3's and CDs, hopefully in this hypothetical situation, I would also have hypothetical insurance protecting me against such consequences. If not, well, there's always the movie rights to look forward to.
4 - Your time machine works! It will reliably transport you and four other people into the past, and return you safely to the present. Unfortunately, the Heinlein Compensators that prevent temporal paradoxes run on an extraordinarily rare mineral called orichalcum, and you've gathered all that exists on this planet. After 37 hours, this fuel will be exhausted and you'll need to return or you'll destroy the present and future. It takes you and your film crew surprisingly long to track Jesus down, and you have time to ask him only one question. What do you ask?Well, I don't think it's surprisingly long at all. Canaan's freaking big and they don't have bus service. And he probably blends in pretty well, if we're led to believe he is not the snow Caucasian, bleach-white-cloaked individual that films and television have taught us he is.
That said, I don't really have anything to ask Jesus, really. I don't find him a supreme being, so anything I ask, he is both not required to answer or answer truthfully or answer factually. I won't actually gain anything from the experience because he is not a fountain of truth; he's a human being. Even if he was the nu-witch that the Bible makes him out to be, that's not truth; it's perception and faith.
Maybe I would ask for his autograph.
5 - In 100 words or less, why is Batman better than Superman?"Better" is subjective, but if were to equate that with morality and the hope that actions will benefit the youth of tomorrow, I will answer this. Naturally because there is not one true Batman, I reserve the right to use 100 words for different incarnations and not count the titles given to each version as part of the word count.
...eh... that sounds awfully hard and thorough. Ok, here goes:
"Batman is in control of his own destiny and a human, has less of an inclination to do good. He claimed the role, and
Smallville notwithstanding, while Clark Kent found a need to give back to a world that never asked for him, his destiny seemed to be entirely mapped out. He did choose it, but he had the advantage. Bruce Wayne grew up rich and used his riches in a Robin Hoodesque way to create technology to protect them, putting his own hide on the line, with most versions not resorting to capital punishment."
That said, I would really like to see Christian Bale and Brandon Routh have sex.
Thanks for for playing!