I had dinner with Joyce tonight. The dinner was nice, despite the car ride that reminded me why I never liked her driving me anywhere (she gets anxious and tantrum-y when she doesn't know where she is). We spoke about things going on in my life, the most prominent of mine being the HOH disaster, the Matt fiasco, the work stress, and the true blessing that is WEBS.

Cheers to the Elephants, whether it be on stage or off; it is they that got me through 2007 when no one else could.

Dinner with Joyce was the first of the December Festivities of Uncertainty. The only thing I know for certain is I will be in Connecticut for Christmas proper, which I am looking forward to, predominately so that I can be catty with Amy, Michelle, and Wendy. I have invitations from Dad and Michele as well, and from Amy2 and Andrea for other December days. I don't know what to expect day-to-day anymore so I'm not sure exactly what Matt is doing.

Jamie is back in New Jersey after deciding that Guadeloupe turned out to be a lonely, frustrating, and barren wasteland. I understand this decision.

Work in the morning... much to do and worry about. In addition, I've got to score presents for the holidays and several of them have to be in the next week or so if I am in fact seeing other family members before Day.

I'm going to see Mom Mom tomorrow. She's still at Madison House, the rehab. I'm a little, ok, a lot anxious about it. Never been able to comfortably deal with my grandparents' aging.

I saw Joyce tonight. And Craig. Which was random. He lives there now. He's teaching ESL at a college. Somehow. It's all very strange. I also saw Max, which was great. I kept calling him 40.

I go into more, but I am very tired, and think I'm starting to crash. I think I'll end this evening on the couch with some peanut butter cup ice cream and call it a night.

Wrote today. Like at 8 AM, after I showered. I was listening to Version 2.0 by Garbage and got to "The Trick is To Keep Breathing." I has some ideas for The New Age (a project that I have been working on, off-and-off-and-sometimes-on). So I sat down and started writing. But after I got the initial few lines down, I realized that I really wanted to be typing. I got about two handwritten pages out, but then I started to lose motivation. My ideas were coming faster than my pen and I was getting bored and forgetting what I wanted to do.

Once we get an air conditioner upstairs, I am seriously going to need to get a computer as well. What that may mean is me moving Gaah upstairs and obviously keeping Iris downstairs ('cause it's technically not mine), but they share a monitor and Gaah is not exactly on it's best legs as it is. I have almost no room on it due to mp3's.

Also, I don't know where I would have space for it. It would have to be in the living room, that being the place where the air conditioner is tentatively planned on (hopefully the far wall, behind the couch, 'cause you can look right through that window from the street and see what we're watching on TV. Which may not generally matter, but the butt-fucking on Queer As Folk may be an issue at times. Plus, I had no idea how many people walk at night around here. And now that summer's coming, probably even more. But, I digress.

I'd say laptop, but I hate the keyboards on those things. I need it to be further from the screen. All the buttons are so low, and the keyboard I've got has these hinges that keep it slanted a bit, which is wonderful. Not so simple with a laptop; and I'd have to hook a mouse to it anyway, and I've been completely dependent on my Microsoft laser-mouse, which would require yet another cord to go on the almost non-existent laptop screen top.

But I can't keep coming down here whenever I want to go online, write something, or whatever... And sometimes, I will want to listen to mp3's. I have too many compact discs as it is-- I can't keep burning stuff that I will probably only listen to less than half of on a regular basis.

But, wrote today. Which is a huge step-up from the not-writing I've gotten far too uncomfortable doing. When I had dinner with Joyce (which was only frustrating for her asking questions, me getting partly through and her changing the topic, and me being completely unable to enter in a new topic without an immediate switch to one of her's), we talked about me writing. She started to talk about college, but I reminded her that I had politely asked her at Journey if the next time we talk about college, it's when I bring it up. She asked about my writing, and I basically only got as far as to say that I haven't been doing any. Not entirely true; I've written some songs for the Derek Kamen project and some fairly unamazing entries for his tour diary, too. I'm hoping New Age will help a bit. Lots to work with, and I think I am going to intentionally work around chronological order (which is what I have a lot of problems with-- working with things in order; I don't have Part A, B. C, D and E written in order ever, but I try to, get frustrated and then stop. Here I can write D or B first and it not matter. In fact, it can potentially benefit the story, to have it reveal in a sideways fashion.), and I am excited about it.

Red hasn't gotten much love because I haven't been in the space to work on it. Genevieve and I have to seriously sit down and talk about it, but when we see each other, it's usually once-a-week, and we want to talk like friends do as opposed to "work," even recreational types. Stuff has to stop happening in our personal lives so it doesn't suck up so much verbal time!

...Okay, I'm gonna go eat. Upstairs. In the sweltering. I wish it would just fucking rain already.

I miss Matt.

Went to Applebee's with Genevieve tonight... Quelle fluke.

We were working on Red and got some character names down, if not terribly a lot of development for them... Work in progress; must keep reminding myself of that... Doesn't have to be done within the week.

Still, I get distracted so easily, and I move onto new things; I get restless... bored. It's actually really frustrating. Probably not just for me, either.

I saw Ryan from Journey at Applebee's which was random, but nice. He's really nice, and I get the feeling I'd like to know him outside of the show, too. I don't know how to seem like a total dork at the last day of the show as if I have a yearbook for everyone to sign "Hey, let's keep in touch! Have a great summer!" Maybe I'll just have to keep active with ATC even if this show is Matt's last for a while.

Matt has been trying to support me with another of my whimiscal "Ooh, I could try this!" with ATC's acting classes. I have been semi-seriously considering it since Matt and I went to ATC to get the script for Little Murders (the ATC show that preceded Journey by a few weeks and Matt also did the lights for). Definately not a lighting person. And if Journey did anything, it proved I can learn some snatches of dialogue and lyrics simply from hearing it during performances of the last three weeks, so maybe my fear of learning and then forgetting lines is slimming.

We'll see. I've asked Joyce to allow the next time we have a conversation about college that I be the one to bring it up. I really don't need her asking me about it when I have entirely too much to deal with right now. Although if I lose my job, I certainly will have more free time... just not the money to pay for any of it.

Things keep piling up. I want to do them all. Where did my patience go? Why does everything seem now-or-death?

as you're invading this thing you call Love."

I didn't really want to go into depth about much of anything until I heard from Jake. Why bother, considering it seems he's convinced he doesn't want to speak to me until he's ready and is completely unaware that he's not the one who needs to be "ready". He had time. Nearly two months. If he hasn't put it into perspective at this point, why the fuck did he break up with me then? I'm pretty sure he knows why now. "Gods, he's obsessing this much after the relationship - he woulda driven me crazy!</i>.

Well, fuck 'em. That doesn't mean he's off the hook - the phone call awaits. When I say "fuck 'em", I refer to me saying I'll wait. Why? As if that'll change how I felt before it.

On Saturday, I had the distinct pleasure of Beach Night at Rocky - a lot of fun. Red flaming Speedo, let me just say that. Ooh, baby. I got little call-back ('cept from cast) but that's ok... the audience seemed rather comatose most of the night. All those artifical sun rays...

Saturday night I also took a much needed trip to the diner, where I had fun-fun-fun. CFR ruled as usual, and for once Genevieve didn't have to tabulate the check.

Home, woke up at 8.30 or so by Joyce... We drove to Union and I unabashedly slept in the car while Joyce preached at her church. I didn't get to actual sleep until long after four a.m., so I wasn't really up for an alternate theology. It was ok, though. We made our way to CT and I got to see my grandparents, which was swell. Mom Mom is recovering well, as unintentionally amusing as ever, I assure.

Amy came around and picked me up to hang with her, John, and The Boys (nephews Damien and Crow). That was cool; I read a Harry Potter selection to them for bedtime, watched Almost Famous (rent it), and got an awesome t-shirt from Amy that says "i like boys." I adore it. I watched The Big Lebowski mostly after Amy went to bed (we started it together) and actually finished. I'm amazed I managed. I thought it was utter crap, but that's ok; Julianne Moore was cool in it. I find Jeff Daniels really annoying though. And for the first time ever, I wanted John Goodman to just shut up.

Slept in my clothes and sneakers after maybe one? Maybe later, I don't remember. John was writing in the kitchen, Amy and the Boys had gone to sleep, and I sorta curled on the couch and had a dreamless night [at least I don't remember any... and I've been having some strange, rejection-based dreams recently... except for two really interesting sex dreams within the last week, one with a cast member of mine -which isn't exactly "new", but my faux-partner certainly wasn't in any of mine before; and one with Jake... The one with Jake ended with me not being able to find him afterward and me in the woods somewhere... Wow, that's got hidden meaning written all over it, doesn't it? ::eyes roll::] until late morning.

Went to an amusement park I've forgotten the name of (Compound Lake maybe? I think...) with John, Amy, and Crow (Damien was picked up by him mom [my sister, Michelle] earler that morning; missed her visit entirely due to slumber). I was expecting it to suck, but it was actually rather ok.

I am amazed by Crow (and Damien as well, although I didn't spend as much time with him)... He/they are not the same nephews I recall... They get older just as I get older... I forget this... I remember when I would say things and it'd go right over their heads. I'm not used to it not. :)

Home Monday night after introducing Amy to Dar [not personally] ("If I Wrote You" was on incessant loop for the rest of night), whom/which I hope she liked. I ended up giving her my mix CD, which I hadn't intended to, but I can always burn another copy for myself. Once again, I ended up not keeping a CD I burned; I'm consistent again with me pretty much never burning a CD for myself non-official-policy (just always ends up like that).

Tuesday was me getting blue highlights and hanging at Bangles with Danielle and the Bangles Crew. I like how my hair ended up, but I hope for darker colour next time, which Danielle tells me is possible. They just need to get another batch of colour-y stuff.

We went back to D & C's and watched Cruel Intentions, which Danielle had never seen and Chris had brought up he wanted to see again. I own the DVD, so I brought with me on Saturday but we didn't get the chance to watch it til then. Everyone seemed to like it, and both Chris and Danielle were able to hear "Every You, Every Me" and "Secretly" in the context that I originally heard them, which was cool.

So, then home. Got the new Tori songs from the promo CD. I am evil, but I'm glad. They're nice. Mostly. I have some mediocre feelings (the feelings are of mediocrity, not the feelings themselves are mediocre; but then again, perhaps they are) especially about "Pancake", which "everyone" is raving about over at the Forumz. I've yet to hear the full length "Sorta Fairytale, though.

Speaking of forums, wish me luck that the forthcoming Figg forum doesn't suck as much as the Aimoo one. Ack, $27 wasted on that one...

Well, this was something of a disjointed post with not lots about how I feel about anything. Short answer: I feel ok with everything's that happened.

It's what's not happened that pisses me off.

So, Wednesday came and went... Rather uneventful. Kept off the 'net to keep the phone line open, but all I got was a call asking if I wanted the Star Ledger...

The night comprised of rather yummy pizza, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (which was awesome), South Park (which amused me), and Crank Yankers (which I didn't get through all of, but was mostly amused; the novelty wears thin - perhaps if they took a hint from Adult Swim and had 15 minute blocks instead... Funny how an added six or so minutes makes all the difference).

Then Joyce and I started talking about the bitch/ingenue concept... Interesting, but it's hard to talk to someone when it appears they have no interest at all (i.e. reading a newspaper at the time). I talked briefly about Jonathan Livingston Seagull, which I finally read after having Kristen's copy for months. This led to talk about The Great Gatsby, which I never liked because I hated the character Daisy and felt the ending resolved nothing. This moved onto Shakespeare. Honestly, you'd think a conversation like this would last more then seven or eight minutes. Didn't, but that's okay. We don't have a lot to say at this point anyway.

So. I guess that's it. It's hot here.

Not a bad day. Although barely one of one. Slagged most of it off with sleep (strange dreams as usual) until (jeepers) 5 PM... I actually fell asleep sometime after 6 AM, though. So, yeah, sort of a balance there.

Applied for a job at Borders. Joyce is no longer gawking at the apartment-with-Genevieve concept as now saying "Well, if you want the apartment, you're going to need to...", which is better.

No call from Jake; but we've discussed it already (check the super-exciting LJ comments) so it should -hopefully- even out.

Plus, day out with the Kids + Danielle and Marc, so fun shall be had by all anyway.

Plus, I'm Trixie this weekend. Expect fishnet and pleather. All I got's to say. Mostly because I'm not sure exactly how it's going to go. But, no one's screamed "ew, no!" at the concept yet, so... And I can't really see myself enjoying any male Trixie with our cast, 'cept for Louis perhaps. Generally we don't have sexy male Trixies. We have gimmicky ones. Not that I think I'm a sexy male Trixie, but it's going to be a straight-performance. Well. "Straight". I'll avoid that.

I had a dream where Marc was also cast as Trixie. We argued over who was going to get it. I won, but he snuck out on stage anyway.

We'll see though, won't we.

Thank friggin' gods that I am getting out of this house.
Joyce is off in Miami at the moment... She's Colombia-import on Friday... While it's not a shock that I'm home alone (Wednesdays particularly; Joyce rarely got home before 9) it still seems like I'm home alone.
In any event, I won't be for much longer; I expect Genevieve in less than two hours, which means some getting on of clothes is in need. After all, while it's fine and dandy to hang around one's house in skivvies, I think Montclair Police might object.
Funny, that.

Talked to Linz again today... about Barnes and Noble, The Bourne Identity, and underage monkey porn... What can I say, we're original at least.

Home tomorrow after noon - if you feel you can't get through the night without telling me you desperately love me, leave me a message. It'll make me feel all good and stuff.

I'm back now, as you might've read my last entries.
I won't go into depth about the trip, as it was all written about before, but, yeah, it was mostly ok. As mostly ok as I really let it.

However, I am back... Joyce is off to Colombia on Wednesday so I'm on my own for a week and a half really after that... Should be mostly ok. Some details I'll work out later; I'm not really in the mood.

I had a good show on Saturday. With the exception of some smarmy people at the diner and an awkward Floorshow (Gary's corset doesn't fit me... at all!), it was good. I really need to come up with new things to do before the show, though. I've realized that I was often "busy" and now I've nothing to do!

Ah, well - I'll be up more of the night; I'll write more fascinating stuff later.

My Favorite Male Part Is: The Back: Behind every good man is a good back. Ignore the whip scars... Find out your favorite male body part!

Yeah, works for me, I guess.

P.S. - Congratulations to newbies Gary, Erin, and Liz for their making the cast of the Home of Happiness, made official today.

And thus ends another day.
I had a pretty ok one, really... School was primarally a bust, as usual, but English did not suck very much at all. It was fun to get the eyes rolling back over my comments again. :)
Got new shoes from Danielle. Very sweet of her to pick them up for me, even if I did end up paying for them anyway. They're 12s I think - heels for Floorshow. So no more bitching from Chad or Larry. I know I didn't have them, but as a regular Brad I was very much aware they were talking indirectly to me when they gushed over the fact that "finally" everyone in Floorshow had heels last week. Well, if I'm not mistaken, when Sean played Brad a few weeks ago, he had heels. So now I have them and they hurt like a motherfucker, so it better be satisfactory. :)
Saw "MTV Icon" today... Much more enjoyable then last year; Aerosmith's music was far more adjustable to the guest performers than Janet Jackson's... God that "Nasty" cover by Buckcherry was awful... However, this time Shakira ripped the down DOWN with "Dude Looks Like a Lady" (the snarl was all her's)... Kid Rock actually was enjoyable, and while I dislike them to most extremes, Papa Roach... did not suck. Pink performed my favourite Aerosmith song: "Janie's Got a Gun", rather capably, too. Still think it woulda been funny had she sung "Pink" instead... But anyway.
Saw three episodes of "The Osbournes" today... fucking addictive show, I am impressed. The visuals it gives you of Ozzy is bizarre... dad, husband... Really makes you aware of the human behind the rock star. Of course, his daughter and wife are most interesting of the show (I usually adore British chicks).

Oh. Yeah. And MBK knows I'm gay... We had a really interesting discussion in the heat of the school courtyard today. Very interesting indeed. Apparently she already knew (::cough Dan couh::) but that's ok. Glad to not have any repercussions rise out of it in any case. It is all ok stuff. :)

Hmmm... Not much else to update on... Argued with Joyce tonight, but nothing else is new. I very rarely ask her to care about things, but when it involves something like a light bulb being burnt out and me replacing it and the place where I took it from needing a new one, it's better to not just nod and say "Ok". It's a stupid bitch, but it just exemplifies the petty shit that I get angry over because she doesn't think. I wrote an entire other paragraph about what bothered me also in our brief moments to conversation today, but screw it; I deleted it. I don't feel like going into it. And yeah, the issues are mostly petty and insignificant. But the frequency is shocking.

Look it's me: http://www.angelcage.org/george.gif
(Thanks Marc!)

Oh! Yes, well, so lots of stuff happened today! Well, first off had a bit of a spat with Joyce about my SAT scores. After all the that involving me taking them again and pretty much only taking them for her I got a 570 in Verbal (the exact same as last time) and a pathetic 340 in Math. So the news? I got 40 extra points. Yes, so I pretty much obviously did better than I thought I could but this was clearly not good enough. We're quiet about that at the moment.
I went to Montclair University today. I want to go there now. I had a really nice tour guide named Chris and I liked what I saw (er, in terms of the campus, not the guide. Although...)
After a long tour (it certainly seemed so) Joyce and I went to a bookstore like almost right next to the Screening Zone and Joyce now knows where Rocky is in relation to where she knows Montclair. I got books!
- The Vagina Monologues, by Eve Ensler
- Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, by Tom Stoppard
- The Invention of Love, by Tom Stoppard
- Tales of the City, by Armistead Maupin

----------------

After that, I got a phone call message from MBK explaining in a cheery voice that she had news. Apparently she's getting re-psychologically-evaluated. Scary thing is, she was really in a cheery voice. Yeah, and Garett said he loves her. Poor girl.
Dinner.
Oh! Kristen calls! Okay, so hours of fuming sort of mushed over to just angry and we explained some stuff to each other. We ended up spending only about an hour on the issue of the paper and she explained most of the e-mail was not directed at me. Well, yes, but she still sent it to me. In any event, we were on the phone for about 5 hours and we talked a lot about sex and religion and music. Basic stuff, really. Sex is yucky for her and I learned some interesting things about her previous relationships that I didn't know before and won't divulge here. However, at the moment, all is calm between George and Kristen. At the moment. She brought up a valid point though: how do you expect to preserve high school friendships if you don't spend any time with the friends in high school?
I retorted, validly I believe, that I spend minimal time at Rocky and have done stuff with her (Hedwig last Wednesday, hello!) and that it's not usually Rocky that keeps me unavailable but Rocky people - as in other friends. Favourites are never intended to be made and if that happens at times, it's an accident.
She did admit that we are all (D, K, L, & G) unavailable at times and we'll try to work on the project as evenly as possible. We'll see what happens, really. Such is life.
Now where the fuck is Brandon?