"You're afraid to feel."
Notice
The following remarks were written on days not necessarally in conjunction with this one. How I feel now may not exactly be how I felt then. However, I really wanted to be honest and post what I'd written even if it no longer holds true. That way, at least, it won't seem like some bizarre transition... or at least, less of one.
06.21.02 - Listening to Bif Naked, I, Bificus CD
I figure I'll give a summation of my visit here, briefly, but hopefully effectively. And maybe not even all that briefly.
This is obviously a tumultuous time right for me and I'm not entriely all better right now. However, I am on my way to Okay once again.
Thanks to the utmost to those physically and telephonically linked to my mental sanity. I am so weak at the moment, I'm finding surprising strength every day. I you all, damn it.
And I will be okay. As okay as I am capable of, and I will not allow this to control me.
The following is an open letter of sorts. Those who read it, take it as my solomen and complete best way to handle things.
To Jake: I loved you and a lot of me is still fighting over how I feel about you now. You were and are a valid person in my life. However, I don't think you are a particularly healthy one right now. Seek mental health, but above all: active awareness of what you do affects many, many of which felt they were giving all that they could be felt soon after both rejected and betrayed. What you say can hurt, but silence gives and leaves nothing. I'm rather tired of the nothing . However, I don't see it getting any better for us. You will stay on my buddy list and on my LJ Friends page. What you do to your own is your own business. I keep you there, simply because I have and still do care about you.
I'm not "letting you off the hook". You still really piss me off, but you need to prioritize and realize a relationship is obviously not at all that high on the list. As unfortunate as is for me, I think you're on your way to realizing that.
Call me. Or don't. But if you do, tell me exactly what happened to us. All of it. Even the stuff you probably think I know. I really may not.
Go to Rocky. Or don't. It seemed important to you. If you feel that you can't, that's your decision. Don't think for a moment that I'm praying that I never see you there again. Obviously, don't expect to make out with me anymore, but do expect me to respond and respect you as I would have before. I feel I must also add, bring yourself but not "our issues" to the show. It's not the place, and I don't want to think of either you or the show and immediately think of the other. So, anything you want to clarifiy at any time, do it on the phone.
Some of our best stuff was on the phone.
Thanks to all + all - I love you.
Signing off from the shore, George Blair IV.
[10.37 ON] ("Any Day Now")
The following remarks were written on days not necessarally in conjunction with this one. How I feel now may not exactly be how I felt then. However, I really wanted to be honest and post what I'd written even if it no longer holds true. That way, at least, it won't seem like some bizarre transition... or at least, less of one.
06.21.02 - Listening to Bif Naked, I, Bificus CD
I figure I'll give a summation of my visit here, briefly, but hopefully effectively. And maybe not even all that briefly.
This is obviously a tumultuous time right for me and I'm not entriely all better right now. However, I am on my way to Okay once again.
Thanks to the utmost to those physically and telephonically linked to my mental sanity. I am so weak at the moment, I'm finding surprising strength every day. I you all, damn it.
And I will be okay. As okay as I am capable of, and I will not allow this to control me.
The following is an open letter of sorts. Those who read it, take it as my solomen and complete best way to handle things.
To Jake: I loved you and a lot of me is still fighting over how I feel about you now. You were and are a valid person in my life. However, I don't think you are a particularly healthy one right now. Seek mental health, but above all: active awareness of what you do affects many, many of which felt they were giving all that they could be felt soon after both rejected and betrayed. What you say can hurt, but silence gives and leaves nothing. I'm rather tired of the nothing . However, I don't see it getting any better for us. You will stay on my buddy list and on my LJ Friends page. What you do to your own is your own business. I keep you there, simply because I have and still do care about you.
I'm not "letting you off the hook". You still really piss me off, but you need to prioritize and realize a relationship is obviously not at all that high on the list. As unfortunate as is for me, I think you're on your way to realizing that.
Call me. Or don't. But if you do, tell me exactly what happened to us. All of it. Even the stuff you probably think I know. I really may not.
Go to Rocky. Or don't. It seemed important to you. If you feel that you can't, that's your decision. Don't think for a moment that I'm praying that I never see you there again. Obviously, don't expect to make out with me anymore, but do expect me to respond and respect you as I would have before. I feel I must also add, bring yourself but not "our issues" to the show. It's not the place, and I don't want to think of either you or the show and immediately think of the other. So, anything you want to clarifiy at any time, do it on the phone.
Some of our best stuff was on the phone.
Thanks to all + all - I love you.
Signing off from the shore, George Blair IV.
[10.37 ON] ("Any Day Now")